The Making of a Villain

It suddenly struck me like a bolt of lightening. And ever since, I have been having this uneasy feeling about me.

You see, last week it dawned on me that I was lacking an ambition in life. I recall blurting out some insipid answers in my MBA entrance as well job interviews. But those were on the spur of the moment/crammed up/ambiguous answers. I still remember the MBA entrance interview. On being asked about my reason for going for an MBA, I coolly stated that "I wanted to start a chess academy". The shocked interviewer nearly fell out of her chair. But you see an essential for an MBA aspirant is being a gyaan guru and a good googler :). Gyaan after gyaan until the interviewer resigned herself to the fact that I was half mad and it was better to admit me then to let me inflict misery on someone else. My job interview answer was ah...I think we can leave it for some other time.

After all these hit and run cases in interviews I never had a guilt feeling. But last week was different. This time it felt like a churn from within about this lack of direction. There was something that was burning my insides. It seemed like a desire for the ultimate moksha.

Alright alright..stop sniggering. I know I am exaggerating. Nothing of this voice from within kinda stuff. Most likely I had again fallen from my bed. One more time and I will...I will..er start sleeping on the floor.



Armed with a bump on my head I had the urge to go to pee. Er......I think the aftereffects of last week's fall are still there. Armed with a bump on the head and the resultant dazzled thought process I had this urge to identify what I wanted to do in life. So I set about preparing a checklist of my itemized life as well as where I stood.

1. Family: Just about matching up to their expectations
2. Love life: Currently enjoying before marriage ends all love
3. Friends: Get lost buggers
4. Society: I am God's gift to mankind
5. Career: ?????


So you see my portfolio of life was complete except for one glaring gap. I had still not been able to identify my career goal. I was determined to plug in this gap. Trusting my googling skills to help find my final destination, or atleast an interim one, I set about my task.

I shortlisted the following promising goals:

1. Become CEO of an organization
2. Become a cricketer
3. Become an actor


Results of my detailed analysis:

1. Become CEO of an organization

Now being a CEO seemed cool enough. I could imagine myself donning an Armani and striding into the board meeting with a purposeful gait. Declaring another successful financial year and acknowledging the resultant applause seemed to be my kinda job. I delved in further. A study revealed that most CEOs suffer from health problems because of the stressful life. Ah, I thought, I am a tougher nut to crack. Further the study said that CEOs tend to get along with staff(thats easy..I would tell the staff to get along with me or else get fired), good with financial numbers(easy!), work alcoholics(easy!), wake up at 5 am(easy.....). Wait a minute!! Waking up at 5 am is criminal offense punishable with death penalty(ok ok.. I made that up).

No further thought required to strike out this goal.

2. Become a cricketer

Struck out because of same reason as above.

3. Become an actor

This seemed like perfect for me. I mean a handsome hunk like me would be a sure shot hit with the masses and the classes. I would have girls swooning like anything.

Enthusiastically I broke the news to my friends. Peels of laughter greeted my announcement. Enraged I began to look around for bat to bash them all. In middle to this ruckus a friend sympathetically said I could try for a comedian's role. Needless to say he was the first to be sent flying out of the house. Mouthing a barrage of obscenities I chased the louts(not calling them friends anymore) until the street end. With rage in my eyes I turned.

And then it happened. Eureka!! eureka!! In one stroke of moment I had unraveled my calling.My recent performance would have any Mogambo, Shakaal or Gabbar trembling. Bollywood was calling me(Hollywood does not have any rape scenes).

That day a villain wannabe was unleashed.


Signing off,
Shubham

P.S.: You may want to have my autograph

We are the Champs!!

Open Letter to Hayden & Symonds

Dear Hayden & Symonds,

First of all loads of thanks from all of us in India.

Surprised!!

I bet so. After all thats been happening on the Indian cricket team's tour to Australia you would have least expected adulation from an ardent fan of the Indian team. But your highness, I wish to offer you gratitude from the depths of my heart . For over the past few days you have been going out of your way to make the game of cricket more interesting for us fans. Albeit your methods have been crude(typical Aussie-like), but the effect has been effective to say the least.

Haydenji your contribution to the cause of cricket will be well and truly remembered for a long time to come. Your boxing invitation to the kiddo Ishant has opened up possibilities which were way beyond mediocre people like us. Who else could have thought of such a money spinner idea as this? Imagine Sachin vs Ponting slogging it out in the ring while it is broadcast to the world. We can even ask your man Bucknor to referee so that the fight can be more even. Though who would pay for the new dentures for Ponti is a thing that needs to be worked out. Sirji we are a poor country who can ill afford this expense.

Back to the kiddo Ishant. He has no right to damage the great Aussie reputation by knocking out half the Aussie team in no time. The boy has to be put in place. But sirji just be careful of the Indian deception. For it may happen that you are all geared up in the ring but lo and behold, instead of Ishant the surd Bhajji may jump into the ring. Sirji then you are a goner. For that surd is a real nutcracker(hopefully he will not touch your esteemed ones..or rather two). And I have heard that he is really mad at you for that ah...rather cute "obnoxious weed" comment. As a true well wisher of yours I would earnestly advice you to rather avoid the nasty situation.

Symonds sirji..please do not even think that I have forgotten you. You have been unfairly at the receiving end of lots of criticism. Please forgive all this as acts of ignorants. So what if you say a few kind words to Bhajji and Ishant. Those two crooks have no business to respond in kind. After all you are an Aussie.

And my lord as a measure of your kindheartedness please also forgive the inadvertent reference to your ancestors. Symonds paaji we Indians are totally against racial abuse. We are very religious people and worship monkeys. So how can you even think that we would degrade a thing which we worship by comparisons to you. Paaji for your reference we will shortly be sending you a list of all abuses which we can think up for you(signed by all Indian fans). So the next time you would be able to clearly understand that the abuses are directed to your current family and not to your ancestors.



Hope this letter alleviates the concerns of both of you,

An Indian Fan